Doubtful. A Monologue by Me.

Monologue: Doubtful

(Sat in the front room upon a leather sofa. White walls with red curtains. She looks up from a photo album.)

Cold. My body was benumbed by what had just happened. I felt so isolated, so abandoned, so detached from life. Never had I felt a pain so excruciating, a never ending pain piercing into my heart. When I was younger I dreamt of nothing more than being me , hanging with the girls and my best friend, I never dreamt of talking to … boys. Back then in my eyes they had… ‘cooties’ but now things are different I’m 19 not 10 and my imagery of the world and understanding is no longer the same as it used to be. I’m no longer safe from feelings and the reality of life.
Hope is fading and I haven’t a clue how to stop it. All this is happening so fast, not because of me but because of one person and their self-centred ways.

(Fade)

Love. All of this because of love. The feeling you will never truly understand yet you in yourself know that it is there, whether it is deep inside or open for the world to see. I love him and I’m not afraid to tell the world. So why did he refuse to believe it? Is it because he doesn’t love me? Or is it her? The one I have never liked and the one that has gone out of her way just to ruin every part of me. He is like a part of me without him I’m… incomplete. Does she love him? Does he love her? Am I the one ruining them? I’m sitting here alone. With a river of tears running down the hills I call my cheeks. However no matter how hard I try, my tears won’t stop flooding my eyes and breaking the dam flowing freely down my cheeks. The emotions within me just keep on building creating the feeling of a statue being built inside of me. I’m waiting as if a bomb were inside, I’m anticipating my own explosion.

(Fade)
(Enters the bedroom, pink walls, white curtains and a simple bedroom lamp light. She sits upon her bed on the silk sheets and looks up.)

8pm. My explosion never came, it is settled within me but I know it’s not going to go away. 9pm sharp he’d told me, I’m meeting up with him. We are going for a meal, this feeling is giving me butterflies yet I can still hear that voice in my head questioning everything reminding me of her. Time is dragging which is never good; it feels like being put in a room with no windows or doors; however you’re not alone because he’s in the room too. Stood in the dark corner watching you, waiting for the chance to fill your head with evil thoughts and mislead you down the emotional path of no return.

(Moves across the room towards the wardrobe, lights fade)

Glossy black hair curled down her neck. Soft skin with a golden glow. Silky red dress short but classy. She looks beautiful.
Well… I look beautiful. So why don’t I feel it? The effort I have made is dramatically noticeable. Yet I feel no different, I look amazing yet I don’t feel it. Why? I suppose I might be able to answer that one for myself, I mean the emotions I have and the thoughts that have captured my body and taken control of my life gave me a little doubt about our love. Okay maybe a lot of doubt, but I suppose it wasn’t just down to my thoughts. I mean if she stayed away and left us alone I would never have to feel jealous or feel insecure.

(Fade)

(Scene change- Entering the restaurant)

Lost. In this room full of people I feel lost; here standing at the bar with this nasty cheap glass of wine which is making my stomach turn. 9:05pm maybe he isn’t coming, maybe this was one of her games some sick twisted way to hurt me, knowing full well I’d breakdown … maybe she was doing this so I looked crazy? Or was she going to turn up with him? It’s too late I have no control of my mind and things just keep on flooding my head, destroying the last of my hope.

(Fade)
(enters the bathroom and stands speaking towards her reflection within the mirror)

I think I’m going to head to the bathroom. I feel sick, I’m shaking and I feel faint. I glance around as I leave the bathroom, double checking I still look somewhat presentable.

(Fade)

(Re-entering the restaurant)

Nobody. In hope to find this is all a dream I take a seat in the back corner of the restaurant glancing around the room, I notice he’s still not here 9:12pm should I get up and leave? Or stay put for a little longer? They’re watching me, but I don’t know why. Do I have something on my face? Surely not I haven’t eaten all day and I swear I didn’t when I checked in the bathroom. Were they taking note I’m here alone and nobody’s turned up? Who are they?

Oh no, this cannot be true. I know them. How could I have not noticed them? Maybe they didn’t want me to that’s the impression I’m getting, I mean there turning their backs. As if to avoid me seeing their faces? Of all the people to be here and see me being stood up; why them! It was his parents and his siblings. I hope to god they haven’t recognised me, maybe they have and they are having a good old gossip about me over there.

(Fade)

(Then a light flickers in the restaurant)

Strange. As I look across the room again, I notice her. She’s at a table with some old friends… how did she know my old friends? And how the heck did I not see her before and where was he? My heart feels a little less stressed knowing he wasn’t with her or was he? Was he in the bathroom hiding? 9:30pm that’s it I have to leave before they all notice and I become the laughing stock. As I stand up and head to the bar I see her. Kimberly my sister what the heck was she doing here!

Confused. Why was everyone I knew here, this wasn’t a coincidence someone was up to something? That was it I had to make a run for it. I’m at the bar, just head to the door undetected. Simple?

(Fade- stood by the door to leave)

Ow. Someone had just walked into me, and knocked me over. Who w…. it’s him he’s here but why? 9pm he said sharp it was now 9:50pm. He offered me a hand. Do I accept or walk away?

 This is a piece written from my AS English Language:

Hope you enjoyed :) 

Much Love

xoxo